The CHECKPOINT Series – help them help others
I was planning on just dropping the video and the figured I should add my experience with this subject and taboo I had around mental illness, depression, and anxiety.
I was raised by a father who was all about “Suck it up” and “don’t be a big girl”, certainly did not talk about emotions or feelings. All the way up until I was about 18 he scared the crap out of me and I found it hard to get the courage to ask even simple questions. Not from fear of violence but the anxiety that built up before it. The thought of rejection and did I deserve what I was asking for? I never realized that back then but do now.
Over the last 10 years, especially since my divorce, there have been ups and downs, probably more downs. After a while, you follow natural instincts if something hurts stop doing it. So I stopped dating, then I stopped going out and then I started thinking about stopping everything. I had something to hold onto that made me get a handle on things, as a parent, I don’t believe I have the luxury of giving up or giving in, certainly not saying that’s what happens to some people when they contemplate suicide. Just like food, your favorite colour and religion it’s your life and your choice. Everything is relative and I can tell you, in my experience, there is a difference between being depressed and having depression.
I tried all the usual things, health, food, work but it ended up that I was just shifting the symptoms from one thing to another. I started becoming social again and being part of a community, which helped a lot, for a while. You really start to think something is not right when you start feeling bad about feeling good or you have massive temper outburst for no reason over the silliest things.
Last year I decided or mostly realized I needed more help and saw a psychiatrist. I am now taking medication and the last 6 months has been such a different world. I no longer feel like drinking alcohol every day or feel the need to drink when in social situations. I feel better about everything but not just better clearer with a rational opinion good/bad outlook on everything.
Most importantly I realized our lives are full of so many things that change all the time, humans have not evolved enough to deal with the stress that we are dealt every day, be it work, love or just life. If I could move to mountains and live off the land I could probably live a drug-free life, as well as beeing so bored. If I need help to feel better and to be better I am OK with it.